the very best that I can, for my children. The very best however,
at times conflicts with what they want.
Don't get me wrong, I am all for teaching independence to children.
But, life decisions should not be relegated to them. Finding out
what is a life decision, and what is not, is simple and easy. I will
get to that later.
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| Sempai Ashkon Hojati |
When you enroll your child in a program, that helps them in the long
run, and benefits them both mentally and physically, there will come a time, when
you may find yourself in an argument at best, and a solid resistance at worst, with your child.
They simply say, that they don't want to do the activity and/or they refuse to go.
If the activity is to their benefit, such as tutoring, specific classes or
courses etc, then this a life decision. Karate training, in my humble opinion is one such activity.
Here is when you're encumbered with a big responsibility. You see, you have to
make the decision for them.
"But I don't want to force my child," is the normal answer that I hear time and
again. What the parents really saying is that, they are feeling guilty in
forcing the issue, and are afraid to instill discipline/structure in this manner, in their children.
Others would like to give responsibility in making decisions, to their children.
Education is not one those categories, where they get to choose much, if at all.
So long as you can understand how important Karate training is, and can establish it as part
of their education, there would be no argument.
Establishing rules as to who makes certain decision, is the hardest thing for
some of us parents. We don't give our children leeway, as to school,
studying or proper behavior, why should the ancillary classes be any different.
"I just want her/him to have fun." is a typical excuse in shirking our responsibility.
They can go to Chuck-e-cheese's and movies and Disney parks for fun. Holding fast
to education and training, is at time "not fun!" But will show its merits and value, on the long run.
Again, let me state, that the activity must nourish the child physically, and
mentally. I am not talking about which team sport they want to try out for a few months,
which movie they want to choose to go to, which cereal to have in the morning,
or which restaurant they want to eat at. By all means those kind of decisions
are not LIFE DECISIONS, and you can let them make as many of those as they want.
Karate classes are not an option, they are and should be considered part of your child's
academic curriculum. If you can only understand, how important a good martial arts
training is to a youngster's development, then you can start to appreciate the
value of your teachers (Senseis).
Remember, when a child starts something and quits, without achieving anything, they
have not learned to be independent, they are CHILDREN. They were just taught (by us
parents), how to quit. And they will do that throughout their lives.
The lesson for them will be "if I nag hard enough, and complain and throw a fit enough
times, I can quit anything." In time, it will be, "oh, this is too hard, I quit."
This will translate to bad performance in school, and in life. CBS news found
that USA is lagging behind in school performance http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2002/11/26/world/main530872.shtml
We can't blame the teachers all the time. We need to take charge of our children.
Why are the Japanese, and Chinese kids so far ahead of the curve then ours? Discipline
and martial arts attitude.
Finally, when your child is talking about quitting. Ask yourself why? Here are
the top reasons I have found throughout my almost 30 years of involvement in the
martial arts.
1.) Child is a perfectionist or sensitive, and is having a hard time, with certain lessons.
This type of student requires one on one lessons with the instructor, to boost
their confidence and their level of knowledge.
2.) Parents do not pay enough attention to the child's progress. It may or may not include:
lack of encouragement, late arrival to class, late pick-ups from the class,
no enthusiasm from the family.
In this situation, you need to be there for your child. They look for your, look up
to you, and need you, more than you know. Make sure that they are your first and last
priority.
3.) Child lacks proper coordination, motor-skills and physical ability.
The parent must step in and find the courage for tough love. Take the game away, and
stand by their decision.
4.) Child is self-conscious and is afraid that everyone is watching her make mistakes.
The parent needs to arrange to be at the lesson, with a great smile and a supportive
attitude. Additional one to one lessons is required to boost confidence.
5.) child is not used to any form of discipline, structure or format, and has a hard time
adjusting to the class structure.
Your role as a parent has not been fully executed. Seek help, and start setting some
ground rules. Giving structure, and maintaining a rhythm and pace in their lives.
Remember, you are the parent, not their buddy. If your child sees determination from you,
they will react positively. But, if they see any weakness in your armor, they will
seek to enforce their ideals.
Remember: Not all your decisions need to be met with an immediate hug and an I love you from them.
Some of those I love you and hugs will come 20-30 years later.
