Control – The goal of martial arts practice

It’s been over 48 years, when I was introduced to Japanese karate, during my Boy Scout years in Iran. Learning karate in Iran was tough. You had to prove yourself at every class. It was extremely physical and sometimes punishing. The environment in Iran was to weed out the weak, and to only tolerate and develop the strong.

In less than a year from my karate initiation as a teenager, my family moved to United States and eventually settled in Granada Hills, California. I was privileged to take classes with a Sensei who was also a scholar. A true philosopher, Shihan Dean Picard was working on his dissertation in philosophy, and was teaching philosophy and karate, at the Los Angeles Mission College, and in many of the colleges in Southern California.

 

It was under his tutelage, that I learned to look and think beyond the mere physical technique, and about the philosophy and the intent of Karate training. I was introduced to the art that was the subtle undercurrent of this violent looking set of movements, techniques, and exercises. 

 

The material that was presented to me to study, were at times overwhelming for my young mind, but the seeds were planted to question, search and discover. To be inquisitive, to study deeper meanings of movements, and how they affected the practitioner internally. It made me question why I was so drawn to this art form. Why after practice or a specific set of movements, I started to feel and differently. This feeling was not either good or bad, but it was more akin to becoming aware.

 

Why were these movements an art form? How could something so violent in presentation and physical application, be a form of art? Many other questions emerged as I went through the process of learning and discovery. The more I searched, the more I had to reach within. By the time I understood the meaning of the answers, sometimes partially to one question, another question would arise. 

 

The answers took time, and they came in the form of many wonderful and sometimes painful experiences. I found out in time, that these answers are “my answers,” and do not necessarily apply to everyone else. They were “my truths.” As I started teaching, I found many of the answers I was looking for, and was confounded by many more questions. I made many mistakes as I was learning to be a teacher, and I’m sure I will continue to make more mistakes (although I hope with less severe consequences). Teaching helped me not only to understand the mechanics of the technique, as I had to relay the knowledge to different people, with different abilities and limitations, but also, to relate to the people, at a deeper level. To understand them and to help them find their own truths.

 

So the question remains with many people, as they ask: “why martial arts?” What is the mystique, why some people (myself included), believe that martial arts, specifically traditional martial arts, are necessary in our daily life.

To me, the ultimate goal of martial arts is “Control.” The concept is as simple as it is deep. Understanding of it takes more than just words, it takes application and commitment. It is like sailing. I can describe it to you, but until you cast your own sailboat into the sea, you will not truly understand any of it. You have to experience it.

 

In martial arts, I dare say in all arts, the movements are used to discipline the mind. The mind and the body are brought to work together, to achieve perfection through coordination. This is an arduous task at times. Be it a stroke of a pen of calligrapher, the brushstrokes of a painter, the forming hands of sculpture, the movements of a dancer, or the forms or kata of martial artist. It is about the connection and coordination of mind, body and spirit.

 

Understanding that perfection will not be permanent, and may only exist in sporadic and fleeting moments, events or performances in time, the artist seeks through repetition to create those fleeting moments and experience it yet again. To bring about the control of their body movement, by controlling their mind and coordinating with a specific muscle or group of muscles. In controlling the mind, the artist learns to control their feelings, to understand them, and channel them properly.

Whether it’s frustration, fatigue, anger, desperation, or glee. In order to have a control on their feelings, the artist must endeavor to control their thoughts and examine their beliefs. I would further venture to say, that the root of our actions, are in our thoughts and our belief system. The former, dictates the latter. If you manage the thought, you can change the belief, leading you to control you words, actions and the net result of those words or actions, on your life.

 

By learning to understand our thoughts, we learn to change our perception. How we perceive things, triggers thoughts, which in a domino effect, influence our feelings, our words and our actions. The pursuit of the martial artist, and I dare say many artists, is to perceive things as they are, in their purity and without prejudice or undue influences. To understand, reflect and express that which they experience from the world around them.

 

Artists see and feel differently. Their expression of their truths is what makes them unique to others in the society.

 

This endeavor indeed takes a lifetime. For the martial artist, it all starts with the technique. Repeating, honing, and perfecting it. Persevering through hard sessions of training, and enduring challenging workouts. As the techniques expand out of the body, the martial artist mind dives deep within. 

 

The physical efforts manifest themselves, in a mental search for endurance and understanding of both physically and the spiritual. The “art” in the martial arts therefore, is in the creating of a new, more intelligent, developed, understanding, complete human being. Sculpting a better “self.” Compassionate and passionate, ethical and logical, sympathetic and empathetic, connected yet objective, present, aware, and participating in life.

 

Bruce Lee is contributed by saying: “Before I learned the art, a punch was just a punch, and a kick, just a kick. After I learned the art, a punch was no longer a punch, a kick, no longer a kick. Now that I understandthe art, a punch is just a punch and a kick is just a kick."

 

I’m still on this journey. What people find amusing and at times strange, is that there is not set “end” to this journey. It is about constantly evolving, and discovering many different facets and dimensions about yourself, that is simply amazing. As an example, working with disadvantage children, or special needs individuals, has given me new insights to who I am, what differences I can make, and how fascinating martial arts can be. 

 

May your journey be as adventurous and as rewarding, as mine has been. 

 

Shihan Bruce Hojati

Chief Instructor

Hojati Karate Academy

USA Branch Director

Japan Karate-do Maruyoshikai Organization

Why should I do karate!

Though I have written before on why children or adults want to join or quit karate, and why and how parents should encourage the former and prevent the latter, in as much as possible. I don't think I ever showed anyone, a true example of what would happen, if we as parents and educators stand fast, and do not allow our family members to quit. Conversely, why should we at all push our children, toward martial arts.

Here is a letter I got from a parent of a fine black belt. Athletically, she went on to win many accolades and championships. Silver medal in US Junior Olympics for Karate, and of course, a Gold medal for US International Open. These events were held back to back on the same weekend. 

Moreover, she grew stronger as a person mentally and emotionally, learning to go passed her limits, and set new goals for herself. Part of many things that she may not have learned how to do, if she had quit her training, which she almost did a few times.

She and of course her parents, decided to heed my advice, and continue on. Here's the result of that perseverance. Read it carefully, and then decide, if it is worth quitting.

-----------------------

Alana Chetlen - Black Belt
(A black belt, is a white belt that doesn't quit)

Dear Shihan, 

It has been a long time since we have corresponded with you, and for that, I apologize.  I hope things are going well with you and the family.  I read your emails and your Facebook info, so I keep abreast of what is going on.  I hope you are healthy, although I read you are having some difficulties.  I hope they are not too serious.   As for us, all is well. 

This has been an extremely busy time for all of us.  Mira is in college at San Francisco State University, and is doing very well and loves it.  Martin and I are still working hard at our jobs, and I am now writing a book on Genetics.  And I still do my sports.  Marathons, triathlons, and last summer I even hiked up Mt. Whitney-which I loved and hope to do again this summer.   And Alana has just finished applying to a dozen colleges.  She has already been accepted to three schools, all with scholarships.  So far they are University of Oregon, University of Arizona and University of the Pacific.  We are still waiting to hear from the UC's, and some private schools, but her first choices are the UC's. 

I am writing to share with you Alana's essay for all the colleges.  I was so very impressed on her topic and how she wrote it.  I hope you will be proud of her and yourself, for it focuses on you!  I still get tears in my eyes when I read it.   Here it is:        

Prompt:  Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are? 

Standing hot and exhausted in the small dojo waiting to receive my black belt was the greatest feeling I have ever known. I was fourteen years old and already had my provisional black belt, but that is nothing like the first degree black belt that I earned that day. 

The black belt testing was comprised of many hours of hard performance and fighting. Right before the end of the test, I was worn out, but determined to finish strong, and I did. On the final fight I gave it all I had and won. Standing there waiting to receive my black belt, I knew that I would never be the same. I looked back at the six years I worked to achieve my goal of a black belt and realized how much I had really learned in those six years. 

I had learned more than just Shotokan Karate. I had transformed into the person I am.  From that day, I realized that I could achieve any goal I set my mind to. Karate taught me leadership and discipline, but most of all, how to achieve a goal. Six years for a child is no short time, and it felt like a lifetime to me and still does at times. I thought that I had spent that whole time just to achieve my goal of getting a black belt, but I did not. 

I learned so much about myself in that time. I learned my limits, desires, strengths, and weaknesses. I learned how to be the leader I am today. I learned that it is not all about the goal in the end, but about what you learn about yourself along the way. 

I am now seventeen years old and continued Karate until I was sixteen. I will never forget all that I learned and achieved at my dojo, and I carry that knowledge to all that I do today, including Student Council at my high school.   In Student Council, our job is to prepare and execute many student events. This requires us to set goals and achieve them. Without the hard work I spent in Karate, I do not know if I would have believed that I could successfully put on the  Prom Court Elections, Student Council Elections and Homecoming Parade, but in the end I did. I know that no matter how hard the challenge or however long it takes, I can achieve my goals. 

Waiting to receive my black belt in that small dojo was worth it. Seeing my instructor slowly and proudly walk over and hand me that black belt became the proudest moment of my life because I knew after that, that I could achieve any goal I set. 

Bruce, you will always have a special place in our hearts for all you have done for Alana and for all the times we shared together.  I hope we will forever stay in touch, as you never know when friends are needed.  I will let you know in the end where Alana ends up going to college. 

Stay well, and best wishes to you and your family,

Susan  

Susan M. Zneimer, Ph.D., FACMG 

CEO and Clinical Cytogeneticist MOSYS Consulting

I quit! (just the 4-6 year olds)....Here's why!

As of the date of this blog, I sent out a mass email to my students and their families, announcing my refusal to teach any child from the age of 4-6, as of November 1, 2013.

I have decided that I would not teach them, unless I hand select them, and only on private or semi-private lessons basis only.

What I could not explain in the email, is the reasoning behind my decision. If you would indulge me a bit, I will explain and share of frustration. Perhaps you can understand, what I consider a major disease in our society today.

Teaching young ones at the age of 4-6, takes a tremendous effort on my part, to help
children reach correct coordination, strength, muscle tone and conditioning to train in karate.

Pardon me for sounding arrogant, but I have yet to find anyone in martial arts field, in California, that can teach a genuine karate lesson for that age group, like I do. What's more, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my little ones.

I do not teach kiddie-karate, little-ninjas or babysit kids, I teach them something valuable. Something long lost in the American society. Namely, valuable skills, that NO OTHER SPORT can teach. No I don't teach gymnastics, backflips, Parkour, or dancing. Go to the little dragon dojo around the corner, for nonsense karate. If you want dancing or gymnastics, go to the proper school.

I do not offer baby-sitting services, albeit for 30-35 minutes. I want my students to learn something, not just "have a good time, and have fun."

I found it extremely difficult, unlike past years, to find partner-parents, who really and truly wished for the child to improve and learn something worthwhile, such as the first and foremost the life-skills and the secondly, the self-protection skills, along with the genuine love and support that I offer. All the failing parents I encountered, had the best of intentions, and you know that the worst things start, with the best of intentions.

I found lately, that parents are less and less understanding of the real importance of karate training, what it truly offers children of that tender age, let alone older ones, specially teens.

For years I tried in many ways to relay this message in various forms and forums. Much of it fell on deaf ears. Some (though few), felt that I was trying to force them to do karate for the rest of their lives, they could not be more mistaken.

When throughout the last year, I saw that I did make a difference in lives of many, including some autistic children, only to see them walk away, because the parents failed to provide the proper support, it saddened me.

During the last year, I asked many students four questions:

1. Have you visited our web site, and read the articles.
2. Have you read the blog that I write.
3. Have you used the online tutorial to review your techniques?
4. Have you researched anything about our style, our school online, i.e. YouTube?

I was given a dumbfounded look 50% of the time, and 49% of the time the answer was No!

Now I know, we are all "busy," and we have occasional obstacles come our way. But, I believe the problems runs deeper than that. I think, it is quite simply one of the following:

1. Apathy.
2. Overachieving/over-reaching. (to the point that we don't know what, but we want our kids to do it all).
3. Complete disconnect from what is necessary for our child, leading to what they "WANT."
4. Financial problems.

I have tried and I have always helped those who have had financial woes. But, I just can't reach the first three.


Moreover I am tired of trying. Mind you, I don't mind a tough challenge, but after 35 years of teaching, I know that as the proverbial saying goes, "You can lead the horse to water," well, you know the rest.

If your idea of parenting is doing what your kids "like," rather than what they "need," Lord help you, I have been there, and seen that. In over 1000 families, if not more.


If your idea of parenting is raisinga "Jack of all trades, master of none." Good luck!

If your idea of parenting is pleasing your child, rather than guiding them, regardless of their tantrums. God be with you. You'll need him.

Anyway, thank you for having provided me the opportunity to teach you child.

If you want your 4, 5, and 6 year old to train with me, you must register by November 1, 2013. I wish you the very best otherwise.

The Trouble With USA KARATE, and Karate in OLYMPICS.

Chances are, that by the time you read this post, I've made a lot of people angry. Chances are, those people are the ones in power, and I will be making enemies. Unfortunately, things need to be said, that has not been said in a long time. If you are beginner karate practitioner, this article does not apply to you, and hence, won't make sense to you.

But if you plan to get in to national and international competition, it does. My friends, it's time for everyone to face the music and know what you are dancing too.

Basically, I have been involved with the USAKF (United States Karate Federation), USA-NKF (USA National Karate Federation) and for a short time, USA-Karate. These entities from the latter to the former, have been occupying the ever so coveted (so they have us believe), title of National Governing Body for sport of karate. They pride themselves to be connected to USOC (United States Olympic Committee). A point to grant them legitimacy.

Up the ladder from them is WKF (World Karate Federation), which is recognized by IOC (International Olympic Committee). Here's when the fun begins.

Since I have been involved with the US National mom-and-pop Organizations named above, in 1991 they and the so called International Governing Body have been "attempting" to get karate in to the Olympics. Folks that is scam running for the past 22 years and even longer before that.

Now they have "K-IS COMING 2020" campaign. What A Joke! These puppeteers have been abusing our athletes and our instructors for so long, that anyone who buys in to their story, is either foolish or blind. They have us believe that Karate in Olympics will elevate the art. False! It will fill the coffers of the puppet masters. They have us believe admission to Olympics is essential to the growth of karate. False again! The people running these organization are in it to make money.

And here's the reality. They are milking us dry, and killing karate in the process. Here's why;

1. The so called NGBs (National Governing Body/Bodies), have made competing so expensive, that it is beyond the average person's reach. The have made it an elite sport, when all the masters who brought it out of Okinawa aimed to make it a public art form and publicly accessible sport. 
2. The International Governing Bodies/Organization, can't even get their rules together. In the past 22 years that I have kept up with these people, they have done changed the rules over 20 times. At times going back and forth. Ink hasn' dried on new set of rules, when something changes. You would think after 40+ years, there would be some uniformity.
3. The required equipment keeps changing as well. From cloth guards, to pressed foam, to the new homologated – whichever manufacturer pays the greatest grease-money – super expensive protective gear.
4. Recently they put date markers on equipment, supposedly to protect athletes from equipment failure. Oh Please! What a joke. Any referee, worth their salt, can spot a bad piece of equipment.
5. The National Federation and many vendors can't even provide the chest-guard that is now "required."
6. The membership fees, being excessive, supposedly provide you with "secondary medical coverage." That is if you don't have medical insurance, or your medical insurance doesn't cover you enough. And that is after an iron-clad waiver they have you sign.
7. The management of the tournament is a joke. You can expect to be called in to staging area, and spend upward of 1-3 hours, before they get you to the ring, and then you have to wait again.
8. There's a substantial lack of retention and hence, turnover in qualified Judges and referees. Mainly because they have to spend upwards of $3,000.00 dollars per year approximately, give their time voluntarily, and at the end, be lectured and belittled by some of the most technically deficient people, telling them how bad they did. Mind you, some of these people in the referee counsel of these organization, don't have the courage to compete, nor have they ever competed at national, let alone international level. That is a not a joke. Thank goodness, there a few around who if not real competitors, have the knowledge base to balance the equation.
9. The inability to even put together a proper promotion campaign nationally is another joke. We have World Gold Medalists, but when it comes to put on seminars, the "Federation" invites foreign instructors (oh yes, they are paid a very handsome fee and accommodated, generously). We have coaches that are fantastic, we have international coaches that are fantastic, who would perform and teach, but no! We have to go and get the expensive "masters."
10. I have yet to see a seminar circuit around the country to promote our elite athletes. Call me crazy, but wouldn't be great idea, to take some of that money that you guys pocket, in the form of travel expenses, and actually put seminars around the country by our elite athletes at nominal fee charge of may be 10-20 dollars per event.
11. Why should a national referee pay to attend a seminar, which teaches him really nothing, then work his rear-end off for 2-3 days, and be paid nothing, not even his hotel expenses, but the referee counsel, is fully paid for, and they get to fly around the country, charging $500-$1,000 dollars per seminar, and "examination" which buy the way, costs extra. Oh yes, you can have a fancy passport, but that is extra too.

....and I could go on!

There are so many things wrong here, that would boggle the mind. As I said, it is mom and pop (though the parents supposedly change) shop. Now there's also a lot of back-stabbing and extremely ruthless politicking going on as well. Few years ago, I was made a pawn in one of those, against an honorable man. I felt so used, and upset. Hence, I never returned. Just kept my eyes on the circus they call the National Federation.

Another joke are the local organizations, they call "Regional Sports Organization" or something of that sort. Ran by ego-maniacs, who play the gang game so rough, they have burned out many school owners. "If you are not in my gang, you are not worthy" and "If you are in my gang, you can't be in that gang." What a waste of time.

The National plays game regionally. I have seen it in Southern California, and it is sickening. They set one group, against the other. Why? Because there is so much ego, that you can cut it with a knife.

To many kings, not enough land.

A good tournament is so much in need, that when an honorable instructor put together an independent tournament for the youth last year, he was overwhelmed with the response. Kudos to Sensei Akira Fukuda for that. 

Why people support independent tournaments more freely. Because people are sick of the politics and the "my gang game." that is played on them by the National and their patsies at the local organizations. Also, there's a sense of family and the cost is reasonable.

People are looking for an honest game, that won't set them back financially, and is run in an honest, caring environment. To wit, one can see the success of the Nikkei games, which is held annually in August, in Los Angeles.

So my friends here it is. Some of you will spend upwards of $1,000.00 - $1,500 per athlete (no to mention preparatory tournament, private lessons, and family travel and housing costs) to attend the "Nationals" this year, or US Open next year. Is it necessary? No!

Are there better ways to train at international level? Yes!

Do you have to do these tournaments? Not unless you are a brown/black belt, hoping to make a national team pool, and have another $5-10K to take you to international events. Because folks, you are on your own.

K-IS ON THE WAY! Is a scam. If you are in it for martial arts, you don't need karate in Olympics. If you are a competitive athlete, then you don't get my point, and don't understand much of it, and your goals are the next point, next tournament, next medal. And what if you became an International Karate Champion. What is waiting for you after that. What part of the art, have you learned, outside of collecting points and medals. Believe me, you missed a lot of it.

Now that is not to say that competition is bad, but make sure you are not lining the pockets of some people, and are left holding the bag. I am not saying don't go to the National Championships, or don't go to US Open. Go! experience it, know what it is all about, and know a new way. But don't get wrapped up in it.

I like to take a paragraph at the end, and let you know of the few people that I came across, who acted honorably, and with good intent, for the time I have known this scam called USA Karate_____________ (you fill the blank) Organization or WKF.

They are in order of their appearance in the time I was involved with these organization, Morteza Alborzi, Joseph Claycomb, Joe Pledge, Kiyoshi Yamazaki, Toshiatsu Sasaki, Cyrus Madani, Fariba Madani, Cleveland Baxter, Roger Jarrett, The current coaches, starting with Tokey Hill, and a few more, whose name escape me at this time. These people have fulfilled my requirements, of depth and breadth of knowledge and goodwill toward athletes.

Now, open your eyes, and if you decide to go through this route, remember someone told you so!

The Thing Called Black Belt

Recently a dear friend brought a student to me, from another school, here in my area – a very well known school I might add – to train in my humble little training hall. The young man was approximately 8, and had received his "black belt." Proceeding on the word of my friend, I asked the young man to show me a kata. He did not know any, save some made-up non-sense in the "so-called" karate school.

I asked how long has he been doing "karate," and the answer was, three years. My basic math serving me right, he had to be 5 years old, to have started. Knowing my friend, I though may be he is joking with me, and having some fun at my expense. After all, I had been known to play some pranks upon my dear friends, from time to time.

But you see, "Karate" not "kara-dee" as pronounced here in the Southern California, and one might say USA culture, is a serious endeavor for me. There has to be some value to being a "black belt" beyond physical ability. The maturity and seasoning that it requires is way beyond an eight year old.

"No you don't understand!" said the young man, I have my little dragon black belt. WHAT THE....Excuse me, what in the heavens is that.  I have junior black belts, and I can appreciate a young person in the ages of 10-16 having practiced 5-6 years, receiving a Junior Black Belt, for effort and physical expertise. I do put limit as to who I give it to, and there's a strict requirement, that must be met.

But to learn 2-3 kicks, and 2-3 punches, 3-4 stances and not really being to even deliver them correctly, does not a black belt make. There is a standard that needs to be considered. "Oh! but he has so much fun," and "it has helped him a lot," are not the answers folks!

Let me put it to you this way. I have a friend name Joshua Carter, he is by far, one of the best personal trainers I know. He loves his craft, and he is knowledgeable, he is a personal training black belt. He is around 40 something years old, and he is as hard-working as they come. In short, he knows his craft.

My son Ashkon, at 12 is very fit, and within a few months of training with Joshua Carter, could really become even stronger, and faster. Now that doesn't make Ashkon, a certified personal trainer. 

What amazes me the most, are few things:

1. How could anyone, sell the concept of black belt for 6-8 year old, and call themselves a martial artist, or a martial arts teacher.
2. How could anyone, buy the concept that their child is a "black belt," at that age.
3. How could a school call themselves Karate Center, when they don't even teach Karate. I looked it up, they teach Wing-chun (kung-fu, and I bet they are bad at that too), Kali (Filipino stick fighting), Hapkido (Korean mix of Tae Kwon Do and Aikido), and few other "Arts" to spice up their curriculum.

The end result is this: The parents spend $8,000-12,000 dollars over 4-5 years, and they get what turns out to be a diploma, not worth the paper it is written on. The confidence they think their child built, is a façade. The technique is a sham, and the value is nothing. One may consider the value of baby-sitting service, but that is one expensive baby-sitter.

The student, will grow up, and if they ever go to a real karate school, they are going to find out how little they know. Their diploma is no good anywhere, save the four walls that they got it in. Their so-called master, is a master businessman, and not a martial artist, and their teachers are trained to "sell" and not "teach."

Sad and pathetic, isn't it! To pay all that money, to spend all that time, energy and talent, to receive a useless piece of paper and a belt, declaring something one is not.

I told the young man, that he had to start practically from the beginning. But, that I will help him move a little faster up the ranks, up until a point. He left, upset and disappointed, never to return. Wasting four years of their life, to MAC-KARATE/MAC-DOJO.

What surprised me, is how close they young man's family lived from me, they knew of me, and knew me well enough. But, chose the "fancy school." Why, I don't know. May be his friends go there. Maybe they have colorful uniforms, may be they do backflips, and gymnastics. Whatsoever those reason have to do with an intelligent decision about your time, money and value, is beyond me.

I am not trying to beat my own drum. Train with me, or don't, but at least, go train with a legitimate instructor, whatever the art. It does not have to be me. Remember:

• Karate is Japanese, if they don't teach Japanese karate, it is not KARATE! 
• If they don't teach 7-8 traditional katas/forms before black belt, YOU ARE NOT A BLACK BELT!
• If they don't take you to an outside tournament, they are not worth their salt.
• If you say OOS/OOOS/OUS and don't know the darn meaning, or they say it means yes! or something like that, they are not informed.
• As a general rule, karate is taught in four major system Shotokan (what I teach), Shito-ryu, Goju-Ryu and Wado-ryu. Minor styles exist, but not as wide-spread as the four above.
• If you are not learning any of the four styles above, you are most likely not learning karate.

Lastly: Here's what is NOT Karate, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i35iCiEzqDM

Here is what IS Karate: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBP8-6DtBBs

Notice the difference in pointless yelling, low, useless stances and hand gestures, in the former, and outstanding balance and transition and crisp movement in the latter.

Seek the best, not the busiest. Seek the most knowledgeable, not the fanciest. Seek the most humble, not the richest. See the WAY! Not the destination.

Best Regards.

Bruce Hojati

Teen-itis Affecting Parents.

Perhaps the hardest period in parenting is the 6-10 years of growth after the age of 12. Yes! You heard me right, some teen behavior goes all the way up to age 22 or in some cases 25. The angst, hormones, insecurities, rebellious behavior, and above all peer pressure, is never more profound than in middle and high school time.

I have seen parents literally come to tears over their struggles with a teen. Worst cases are parents who have 2-3 teens hitting the this vastly confusing territory at once. Ouch! Get ready for some real struggles folks. It doesn't end yet.

As my eldest approaches the Zombieland, which are the teen years, and as he is about to be inflicted with the pain of TEEN-ITIS, for which there are no cures. I am reminded of the hundreds of families that I have consoled, and for many-a-times having not listened to my advice, they came back years later, with the old familiar "I wish I had listened to you...." or something along those lines.
I am now looking and examining my own situation, and I am more than confident, that although I will suffer the consequences of TEEN-ITIS, along with my son, and later my other two, I am going to be in better shape than most people. There's no remedy for TEEN-ITIS, but there are preventive measures. The very same preventive measures that many people know about, but choose to ignore. If you humor me, I will go over the few items that I have found most useful. If it works for you great! If it doesn't, call me a fool, and move on. You may perhaps find a better way, though I doubt it (yes I know that's arrogant, but I can't help it!).


I started assisting in my Sensei's classes in 1980. My teaching experience started with kids, moved to teens and later to adults. My very own first school was established in 1992, in a park. Today, I know at least two of the kids from that class are fantastic successes in their working toward their dream. Things that I recommend are based on empirical evidence that have helped create a more healthy teens,  and they are:

1. Build a strong bond with your child during the age of 0-4 Years. Share activities and spend some real quality time. Sometimes just going to get some ice-cream is as magical and memorable as taking them to Disneyland. Its not about the money, its about sitting and talking at their level.
2. Do homework and playtime throughout their age 0-12.
3. Find an activity that is exclusive to you and him/her. I do archery with my son. Sisters are invited occasionally, if he wants (and he hasn't invited them yet).
4. Share times unique to that individual, at least once per month. Father/Mother-daughter day, Father/Mother-son days, each time is unique to that one person. No one else. 3-6 hours is enough.
5. Learn to listen, more than talk. Kids have limited vocabulary, and many of the things they mean is not verbally expressed. They also may feel insecure about how you may feel about their opinion or request, so you need to LISTEN & HEAR.
6. Find an activity you can do together as a family. Yes, I am a karate-buff, and I love what it does. I have seen it. Yes, all my kids are in it. Because I am in it, we share and talk about videos, their progress, and many other things. Having a discipline like martial arts in your relationship, helps you communicate at a different level, even when regular conversations seem difficult.
7. Be enthused for their achievements. Attend as many, if not all their school award ceremony. Take videos and pictures, frame the award. Talk about it with others, so that they can hear you, but indirectly.
8. Set parameters that can be adjusted according to their age and achievements. Don't be so rigid, that it becomes dictatorial.
9. Give them awards that they earned. Just because your child says I like looking at the stars, doesn't mean you need to buy the most expensive telescope. Teach them that they must earn things. The only thing they don't need to earn, is your love.
10. Be in charge of making the life-decisions. A child is called a child for that very reason. If your child wants to quit something that has benefited them for a long while, intervene and by all means say NO! if you know they are making a mistake. In many cases, children and specially teens are looking for leadership from you. They want to gauge your concern and reaction to their very existence. It is a need to be recognized. If you know a decision is wrong, and it is something that you know can affect them say NO! Explain your position, listen to theirs and see what is the root cause. Many times, teens in my classes have quit karate, because their peers thought it to be uncool. "Karate is for kids," etc. Other times, they are discovering the opposite sex, and they want more time to text and chat. In younger ages, it is one of two situations, either they are having trouble with a lesson, and they feel inadequate, or they are having difficulty with a person or an issue that they don't know how to overcome. This is when you need to be a coach, and not a parent. Listen, analyze, ponder it, and find a way. But don't let them quit.
11. Refrain from arguments and shouting. You are the adult, and you need to act like one. Despite how they behave.
12. Be patient REMEMBER YOU ARE HERE TO WIN THE WAR, NOT THE BATTLE!
13. When you feel that you should be allowing them to have their way, ask, how will this decision affect them on the long run. Remember that every block is a building block. There are is no such thing, as "its not a big deal." Say NO! if you must. They will cry and get over it. Trust me.
14. Love them, and tell them that you do. As often as you can.

As you can see, these are all preventive measures, and they work. Of course they only work, if you really put your heart and love in it. There's more. But hey! How am I gonna have you come back!

Seek a Sensei, Find Your Way!

Good Luck.

Paying for Karate Lessons.

When most people think of paying for karate lessons, they instinctively compare such actions with payment
for other sports or activities. Most likely soccer, basketball, and those who have had the occasion to try gymnastics or dance, compare them accordingly with the latter, rather than the former.

Truly karate training can not be placed in the same pricing level with these activities. Soccer, basketball, tennis, etc., are sports designed to develop the body and the mostly coordination of ONE SIDE of the body. Hence their limited development overall. As such all such athletes are lop-sided at best, and try other "sports" or "conditioning," to become better at their chosen "sport."

The failure of the western sports is that it addresses the physicality of the person, and not the person as a whole.

Whereas there are values to team sports, such as camaraderie, team-work and fellowship, there also exists a very large void, for individual development, individual responsibility, and leadership. In team sports, the inner individual as well as the outer individual is sacrificed for the benefit of the team. We win together, and we fail together.

The other issue is the elimination of those who don't fit the mold. The so-called "weak" are cast aside, the "strong" are chosen and celebrated. One very famous private school in my area, was considering a martial arts program, for those who can't make the cut for the team sports. If you are not IN the team, you are an outcast, in most circles.

The team members, learn to develop skills, which are mostly physical. Mentally they learn to develop only one thing - Ego. This is the nature of the beast, and along with it comes the empty shell, that is the individual. The reason for this, is not that humans are like this, it is the mechanism behind western sports. Coaches don't address the individual. To do so, requires a gift, and not a skill you can acquire in a semester or two of coaching, or attending seminars.

Coaches are at times concerned with their own job-security, and wrath of parents. Parents then, conditioned by society, want their child to win, to feel good, to fit in, and be part of the team, etc. Because if the child fails, they reason, then they as parents, have failed. And nobody wants to be a failure.

Eastern philosophy is about the individual. The individual finding themselves, and then their place of contribution in the team. It is not about the loss or the win. It is not about an end, it is about the process, or if you will, the journey. Whereas the western society chooses the team members, in the eastern philosophy the individual chooses the team. Thus bringing with them, their WHOLE self, and not just their physical ability. Whereas in the western culture, we are taught to reach out and TAKE, the eastern philosophy seeks to reach inward, seek, develop, and master and then GIVE!

The goal of western activities are another medal, trophy, championship or accolade. The goal of eastern activities is to find a way to contribute correctly. True Karate is an eastern activity. Thus, the payment is not for the lesson itself, rather for the effects of the lesson on the individual, internally. Their esteem, character, confidence and leadership. Physically, practitioners of karate become some of the strongest, fastest and fit individuals of their society, with the added benefit of having the ability to at least put up a fight, if attacked.

Though monetarily there is a remuneration for the teacher's time, the lessons of karate are priceless. The work of True Karate teacher is summarized in the Japanese word "Sensei," (pronounced sen-say) which is mistakingly translated to mean teacher.  The deeper meaning for the purpose of this discussion would be "Guide." Whereas a coach helps you hone your skills and physical abilities, the guide, helps you find your way.

Therefore, paying for sports is cheap, because they have so little to offer, if any. In contrast, the investment in karate is expensive in comparison, because of the internal and external value. Think about it! which is worth more to you, a whole complete egg, or a shell resembling an egg.

If you have read his far, you may be under the impression that I prefer Martial Arts over western sports. Nothing could be further from the truth. My sincerest wish is to help you understand the value of a True Karate training, and its necessity in combination with your western sports.

Seek a Sensei, Find Your Way.

Bruce Hojati

Ingredients of Success.

I was speaking to my class last night, and just like many other times, inspiration comes at its own time and place. With me, it is usually it is at the time that I begin the talk at the end of the class. Funny as it may seem, I set out to speak on the subject and words usually flow out by themselves. I don't have practiced speech, or rehearsed words that I share. I just say what comes from the heart. As the old Persian proverb says "that which arises from the heart, plants itself to the heart."

And so it seemed that the subject of how we apply ourselves to succeed, came up again. I know that there are many books, articles and opinions written on what makes success possible, and I am not in anyway, trying to do better or outdo anyone. I am Just offering you, what came from my heart, and I hope it works for you.

To me, karate practice is like life. How you approach and conduct yourself during karate, is the same as you live your life. If you are putting half-effort, holding back or lacking in anything, in your karate practice, you lack the exact same thing in achieving your goals in life.

The four main ingredients to succeed in karate and life then, are these:

1. Intent
2. Aim
3. Proper form
4. Power

Intent: Is the initial mindset that allows you to bring your spirit in to the task at hand. Without intent your achievements are either limited, or futile.

Aim: You must set a goal, right after you declare your intent. A series of small goals, leading to a larger goal, allows for reviews and adjustments.

Proper Form: If the goal is physical (karate, basketball, running, weight loss, etc.) you must prepare in finding out the correct method of execution (punch, kick, free-throw, dribbling, food facts, food consumption, nutrition, etc.) However, if the goal is mental as in academics, self-improvements (confidence, assertiveness, self-esteem), then proper information must be gathered. Both situations require a guide, teacher, coach and yes they are all your – you guessed it, "SENSEI."

Power: We must then apply our power of time allocation, physical power (presence), and mental power (attention and attitude), to apply toward our INTENDED AIMS.

Of all these, INTENT is the key ingredient, that binds all things together. It is INTENT, that keeps you from moving away, or in the wrong direction. It is the mortar, that brings the bricks together. Your coach, guide, guru, Sensei is the hand or the lantern that leads the way.

Karate then, is the perfect environment to test your life-approach. In practicing karate, you examine your SELF. Karate forces you to take in to account your short-comings, and your presents your with your strengthens. It shows you how to chip away at the former, by using the tools of the latter, with guidance from your Sensei.

In this, karate is unique. Thus no other art can match it. Nor can any sport come close to it.

Keep working at it, and let me know how it works for you.

What is Leadership

In the Western culture, leadership is the ability to be a person of character, within ones community, to be in charge of groups, committees and be an outstanding person in ones church, organization or school.

In the Eastern culture, a leader is the one who seeks to master himself first. Not that he/she has actually finished mastering themselves, rather that they continuously look within, to seek the better part of themselves.

So where the Western culture looks to a sign with eyes and ears, or for persons of character or outwardly signs of guidance to enlightenment, the Eastern culture look inward toward their own
soul, character, and how they react to a situation or thought.

Socrates said (and I paraphrase), that those who seek positions of leadership, should be the last persons to be put in that position. Buddha also stated that the correct path, is down the middle, neither leaning or favoring, rather in attempting to find the BALANCE.

While we see considerable talk and propaganda about leadership in our society, whether it is in the daily barrage of political talk or posturing, or in advertisements of martial schools, the interesting question remains. What is leadership?

To me, a leader is the person who on daily basis, seeks to find himself/herself, and the truth within themselves, and then reaches not to bring people to HIS truth, rather have others come to terms with their own truthful soul. As the truth is absolute i.e. water is two parts hydrogen, and one part oxygen, truthfulness is relative, i.e. most water is made of hydrogen and oxygen at base level, but carry different minerals, sediments, enzymes or such.

A leader is the person, who helps you face your weaknesses and shows you the possibilities of what or who you could really be, not what you achieve. Because in order to achieve, you must first become, where as we are taught in the Western society, that if your achieve, then you become.

For example, if I have a million dollars, then I would do this or the other, and I would feels good. The exact opposite has to happen first, first you must like who you are, or work hard to become the person you feel good about, then you will do what needs to be done, and at the end you will have your million.

When looking for leaders, I believe that one should seek those that help you walk alongside them, who teach you and help you to find your own way in time. Not those who wish to bring you to their way, have you walk behind them.

Good Luck.

When parents come up short...

I really hate to bring this subject up, but it needs to be addressed. This is the issue close to my heart, and it happens to hurt more kids on short and long term basis. The issue is inability of parents to act, in lieu of disagreement or opposition from their child, to enroll in karate.

Just last month, I interviewed a 9-year old boy named Sean. Sean is a bright kid, who is coming to the age, where he needs to assert himself in school and society, as a young man. His father admits that he himself was always coy and to this day, he lacks the confidence and esteem to face down opponents, antagonists, or be comfortable doing a presentation in front of a friendly crowd. Sean doesn't make eye-contact, slouches, mumbles and acts timid.

Sean's mom after seeing the program, agrees wholeheartedly that the program is exactly and completely what Sean needs. But, she wants to wait, so that when they come back from "vacation," to bring Sean in, and get him started.

Sean has a big problem getting outside of his "Comfort-zone," or "CZ" for short. He is afraid of making a mistake, and not looking good. He showed up to the class, with much reservation, and was afraid to even walk in and do the warm-up. Being the big-kid that I am, I re-routed his anxiety, and quietly but eventually brought him to the mat. Within a minute, he was laughing and enjoyed punching and kicking the bag, you could real feel the positive energy from this kid.

His father was amazed at Sean's attitude prior and post practice, and my ability to get him to come in. He was overjoyed, and could not wait to share the news with his wife. They both knew Sean needs the kind of training that I offered, and the father wanted to know that if he also joined, would it help his shortcomings. Obviously the answer is YES!

Sean came the second time with his dad, and had a semi-private lesson. He had a great time, and showed great promise. He wanted to get started, but Mom wasn't sure. What do you think that momentary doubt did to Sean.

After one week of waiting, ten days of vacation and another of "Considering it," Mom informed me, that they have decided not get him started! You go figure. Mom stated that Sean NEVER liked coming, he only came to class to please his parents, and that they don't want to force him. IF I ONLY HAD A DOLLAR FOR EVERY TIME I HEARD THAT LINE.

The meaning of that line is, I can't assert my decision as a parent, so I am going to hide behind my child's inability, to hide my own inability.

Here's when both parents come short. After almost four weeks of waiting between his initial show of interest, they decided "Not to force him to do it." What these parents failed to recognize, is that the reason why Sean was resisting, is that he again was allowed to get in to his CZ, and that is dangerous. THAT IS EXACTLY WHY THEY BROUGHT HIM TO ME!
You can't grow, you won't learn, you won't move forward. In short YOU ROT! When you don't go beyond your comfort zone.

His mom told me, that they are getting help from the "Church" counseling group. A group of adults, who are there to help Sean find his strength. Church counseling is fine, but how many of these Kindhearted folks have the ability, desire, knowledge and experience to work with Sean 3-6 hours a week. How many are calling to follow-up, and see what other needs they can address.

Just because it is free, it does not make it the right choice. Who loses here? Sean! Mom and dad will eventually throw their hands up and say, I did my best. Well, did you? Really?

When we humans are pushed to go beyond our comfort zone (CZ), every neuron in our body fights us. Our mind builds a formidable barricade of doubt, fear, pain and discomfort (all of which are imaginary), in order to stop us in trying something new.

You might as well have asked Sean (or kids in his situation) to bungee-jump off a 1000 foot bridge. The problem is, that given the choice between constantly facing your weakness in karate class, or jumping once off the bridge, he would probably choose the latter, because it is only once.

Life choices are hard. To allow a child to make life choices, is wrong. Somebody has to be the adult here. If it is beyond your CZ to help your child, imagine how hard it is for the child to go beyond his Comfort Zone.

Parents need to take charge of their child's growth. If you can not see the help and benefit that martial arts can bring in to your child's life, as well as yours, ask around. Expect to pay for it, and assert you decision.

No amount of private schooling, tutoring and church counseling, is going to replace your touch as a parent, your assertiveness, and your chance to truly help develop your child's character. Get involved, get moving and push a little. Stop being afraid of their pouting and resistance. You will reap the rewards later.

Importance of Parental Support

Geck Family - One of the best examples of parental
support in karate and its benefits.

We all want the best for our kids, and deep inside, we know the importance of support and guidance that we as parents must provide. There are lot of talk about why we should support, and the importance of it, but hardly any on HOW to support a child in their endeavor.

Supporting an activity, is more than showing up and paying for it. It is more than a pat on a back, and a toy award, for an achievement. Support has many dimensions that must be adhered to, sometimes in spite of the wants of the participant. Allow me to elaborate.

As a parent, we want the best for our child. I like to change that phrase so that in actually benefits the child more. WE SHOULD WANT THE BEST RESULT, for our child. This small twist changes the dynamics of support.

When we show up to watch our child perform, receive and award, pass an exam, or achieve any little step in their progress, we have done the STANDARD amount of support. The bare minimum. Indeed, if we can not even give that, we shouldn't expect much from our children either.

To surpass the standard and go beyond, we must take further steps. We should get involved and be committed. Read about the activity, educate ourselves, research it, even do it ourselves as well. Whether it is Karate, dance, gymnastics, or other such activities, get involved. Find out more about the teacher, are there classes where both of you can do it together, ask if you can act as an assistant, ask for books or articles to read. Get involved.

Another part of support is to know the complete purpose of it. In engineering, there is structural supports. Obviously, they are there to circumvent wrong types of movement, or to guide the structure in the correct direction. As in any structural support, once you can see the benefits of an activity for your child (beyond their schoolwork that is), then you must support it completely.

This sometimes means standing firm, when your child wants to quit one activity, for sake of another, or just quit. This is when your structural support must kick in. To support them, you must redirect the pressure, and re-motivate them, so that they continue with the activity.

Talk to your coach/sensei/sifu or instructor. Find out what the challenge is, and help to resolve it. If an activity is beneficial to their growth as an individual, then don't just throw your hands up and give-up. Ask for help, and find out how they can be redirected to benefit from the activity.

Remember that support is more than just cheering. Sometimes, it is standing firm, when they are wavering.